i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
