Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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