I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
