Non-Jews are for practice
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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