Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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