As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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