dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
