She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
