u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
