I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
