Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
They have beer where we have blood.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
