Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
