Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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