I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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