That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
