this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
