My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
