pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
