if you like me you must not know who I am
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
