So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
