i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize