i need an iv and a liver transplant
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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