I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
