Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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