My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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