he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
