nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
false alarm, still single
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
