im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
