I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
