You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
