An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
