good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
