i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
