just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just got carded by a ten year old.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
