i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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