Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Slut skills are useful in every country.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
