In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My life is pants optional.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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