she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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