sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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