My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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