Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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