I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
