i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think weed is turning my hair brown
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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