so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
