He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
