I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
