Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You pole danced in your parka.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
