Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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