I heard we made out
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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