mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
