I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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