Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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