Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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