I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the condom got lost in my hair
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
