Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize