ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My ass is underappreciated
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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