the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
