I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
