This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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