so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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