I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
