You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
