and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
