hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
