He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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