Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
