How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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