I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
