I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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