there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
